Mike Jackson

I really think the world stopped the day Michael Jackson passed away. I know for sure that I will, as well as everyone else, will be able to tell their grandchildren where they were and what they were doing at the moment Mike passed. This celebrity death stands out to me not because he is famous but because I don't 'remember a time' (no pun intended) when Mike wasn't around. Michael is a legend and to regard him as anything less would be a downright lie.

With that said, there has been a lot of people who have become fans of Michael just because he died and I don't think that is right. The same people who made fun or Mike for his mysteriously vanishing nose and the vanishing base in his voice now have 23 hours of Michaels music in their iTunes and can do the Thriller dance backwards..... IDK I am kind of getting on my own knerves with this blog because on the one hand, the point I am tryna make is that you shouldnt feel inclined to "love" Michael now that he is dead but on the other hand, who the fuck do I think I am to tell people what they can and can't do, who they can and can't like. I never wanted to be one of those people who think that they can dictate how others should feel because one thing I did learn is college is that there is no connection between "what is" and "what ought to be" meaning that just because i think something should be a certain way doesn't mean that is my opinion is justification enought that it should be that way...I hope you all are following me...the 2 of you who read this blog that is.

Let me start over and just speak for myself:

Michael is dead now, and yes it is sad, but I am not going to pretend like I didn't think he was strange for this:




or this:




I had quite a few songs of his on my iPod because no matter how strange he was, nigga put out some good songs and when I get in the mood to hear a specific MJ song I will download but not just because he died. I want to remember Michael for what he was and the relationship that I had with him..if that makes any sense. What I am trying to convey, albeit not very articulate, is that I am not going to become MJ's biggest fan because he died. I also want to remember Mike for what he contributed to the world which is good music, great fashion and proof that anything is possible:



I kid.

@k_rokadocious

A message from our sponsors

Recently, I was on www.theybf.com and off to the right of the page I saw "Pamela Anderson Xplicit video". Naturally, I clicked on it because they had a picture of a bword lifting up tittie and covering nipple with hand like so


The video I saw was much better than I had imagined it to be and with that said, I will no longer eat KFC.




To join the protest against The Colonel, click here

-@k_rokadocious

Open Letter to Danyel Smith

Dear Danyel Smith, Editor in Chief at Vibe Magazine,

Vibe magazine has been one of my favorite magazine for years. The covers are always eye catching and edgy and off all the urban magazines, Vibe has been the classiest. I have not started to notice a decrease in quality until recently when Rihanna was on the cover of the magazine during the whole situation with Chris Brown. This particular issue and the ones following it have had unfunny 20 questions at the end (well except the comment about Amber Rose looking like that robot thing in the issue that Eminem covered), irrelevant cover stories and fashion spreads that are nothing short of dull.

This is the final straw Danyel. The first strike was when I signed up last year for a 2 year subsciption for 11.95 and was provided one years worth of magazines. I said I want gone trip because 11.95 was better than buying it for magazine stand price every month anyway.
Strike 2 was not having a photoshoot of Rihanna for the May 09 issue that had the blue cover and her in black and white. I could have made this on photoshop using a youtube tutorial. Strike 3 is just an accumulation of all the foolishness that I have had to put up with throughout the duration of my relationship with you.

This is an ultimadum. Either put Solange on the cover since you failed to do so whenever she dropped her CD or I will be forced to treat you like an ex scientologist gets treated by practicing scientologist.

I love you and I wont take no for an answer.

-@k_rokadocious

Goodbye my friend...

I have began to start noticing an increase in the amount of roadkill that I see on the side of and in the middle of the road when I am driving around town carrying on with my everyday activities. It has gotten so bad that its not a matter of will I see a dead animal its moreso what will I see today and when? Me personally, I have never been one to round up pets and go on a trip (because while my car may be a bucket, my bucket has leather seats and I aint with holes in my seats) and if my dogs so much as dare to get out, we are chasing them down the street and my little sister is putting up our pre-printed "Lost Dog, $10,000.00 reward" posters and calling the respectives dogs life insurance provider (shit, we care about our muts). Because a lot of the animals that I see on the side of the roads, are on the side of the road, I am going to go with said animal has jumped out the window because its irresponsible owner did not strap it down with a seat belt/dog aint got no home trainin. I am going to explain my theory on this matter.

The dog is suicidal.

Dogs are just like babies so whatever you do, dog does, whatever you go thru, dog goes thru and so on. You may think to yourself HOGWASH, but it makes perfect sense when you think this thru.

WE IS IN A RECESH!

Pets are the first to experience their families cutting costs because many people tend to confuse dogs for "Mikey" who eats anything. The dog that used to eat canned dog food everyday now eats dry dog food. Pets born and raised on Iams and Kibbles and Bits are now reduced to generic brands of dog foods and for many pets, this is tramatizing. When we adoped Leese, bitch was used to eating wet food 3 times a day but my mom was not havin it. It took us years of hand feeding her dry food to cure her from anorexia nervosa and to teach her how to chew dry food. She almost died but now she is very healthy and its all because we took the initiative to accomodate her yet put a bitch in her place and let her know who was boss. Many families change foods on their pets and dont have time to make sure the pet is eating and coping with the change in food types so what does the pet do as soon as it is in a car? It jumps out the window, typically on a freeway, which is guarenteed suicide because some of the people on the freeway...thats another story for another blog.

I know this theory has to be true because last week, I went to get sushi and when I was only able to order 3 rolls as opposed to 4, it took everything in me not to burst into tears and then convince the owner their prices are too damn high, and I that I have left enough in tips on previous visits that either I get my rolls for free.99 or they reinburse me for my past tips so I can afford them. Please people keep an eye on your pets and take the extra step to make sure they are happy campers. You owe it to them, but more importantly you owe it to yourself.

-@k_rokadocious

Update!!!

elliekeepsitrill kept it a little too trill and will no longer be an author on this blog. Due to conflict of interest/ irreconcilable differences, we have decided that it is best for us to part ways. I will be the sole contributor to this blog until further notice.

Intro

I think it is time that we kind of explain what this blog is. My co-author and I came across this interview of world renown video vixen, Buffie the Body and Charlamagne(wendy williams sidekick) and it was the single most hilarious thing we have ever heard. Nevertheless, we were intrigued by Buffie and all that encompasses her so we created this blog to pay tribute(?) to like foolishness.

If you ever meet us in person, you will notice that we have listened to the interview so many times that we use buffieisms in everyday speech and we dont even realize it half the time. The original interview was 15 minutes long and was hosted on a website that no longer exists but by the grace of God, I was able to find this youtube clip of highlights from the interview.

Please note, that this is very chopped and screwed but it has most of the good parts from it condensed into 2:00 minutes



Enjoy!
-@k_rokadocious

Do jobs in retail prepare you for the Real World?

On April 11th I was in Los Angeles and I was at the Beverly center with my sister and while waiting in countless stores while she tried on everything (I didn't want to go in the first place but It was clear she wanted me to go since she reiterated that they didn't have groceries in the house when I told her I was staying and that we would go out to eat after) I participated in the average Americans favorite past time, people watching.

I have decided that retail stores do not set you up to move on to a job in the real world. Why have I come to this conclusion is probably something you may wonder and I will explain it for you. You see, while I'm sure all the employees are probably really nice people who may one day be worthy of humanitarian award nominations, (and by humanitarian award I really just mean a 50.00 applebees/sizzler gift card) the clothes that these companies allow their employees to work in is downright absurd at best.

Now, I'm not and I hope I never turn into one of those people who thinks just because my fashion game is decent that it gives me the right to rip apart those who are "dead wrong" when they step out the house but today . . . . (*throws hands up in air) I JES CAINT!

Exhibit a: young black girl with leather(pleather?) stretch pants that zipped in the back at the bottom of the leg and coupled with those sandals that are kinda high-topped and red toe nail polish.

Maybe its just me but leather pants are never appropriate for the workplace in my book. Granted a dress code is clearly not established or enforced at your nearest wet seal so I will not fault this girl for her choices for today, but WTF. On top of that, they were stretch pants and everyone knows, that form fitting anything = no fuckin no btwn 9 and 6 Monday thru Friday. As for toe nail polish, my mother always told me that red toe nail polish was for hoes and ima leave it at that! My friend who works in a restaurant is not even allowed to have anything more than a subtle french tip and open-toed shoes are simply out of the question.

I really don't have any other exhibits because all the other people who stepped out the house in questionable attire have slipped my mind since I waited so long to post this.

Basically the point that I am making is that when retails stores allow their employees to dress like they just strolled in from the club, it doesn't set them up for success in the future when/if they are ever given a fair shot at a good job. Unless of course you are Whitney Port from "The City" and can show up to work(?) looking like this:


-@k_rokadocious

Free spirits vs Hoes

Before I even get started let me just lay down a couple of facts. It is 2009. Bitches been voting for almost a hunnit (ok maybe 75) years. Now I'm not saying that I wanna throw all double standards out the window because I enjoy being able to slap on a freakum & get into a club for free. However, I want to address the idea that women cannot engage in casual relations without
being labeled a hoe. Now, there are some women that do engage in casual relations that ARE in fact hoes & I realize that these lines are blurred & that is why I, anonymous blogger (aka Ellie) am here to clarify. You're welcome.

Now a free spirit, like myself, might engage in casual relations when need be, BUT has standards and is extremely picky when choosing a bedside partner. There is a rigorous selection process that would rival your local American Idol auditions. A hoe you can call when the homie gets out of jail & she will fuck you, him & all your homeboys in a single night with a smile on her face.

A free spirit is an independent, successful woman that is too busy grinding to dedicate time & energy to a relationship with a nigga who will more than likely be intimidated by her ambitious attitude. She might shoot you a text when she needs you, but she is not overbearing or needy. If anything you're blowing up her spot tryna get that wonder pussy on lockdown. A hoe will wait outside your apartment fiending like a crackhead looking for a rock to smoke. She will blow up your phone, your facebook, your twitter and your mama's house phone because she's fiending so hard for that dick. She better not catch you with another female because her delusional freak ass is convinced that you are all, but in a relationship & will beat the shit out of whatever bitch she catch you with. She will move on only after you have changed all of your numbers, email addresses, deleted your myspace account & moved out of the county (& in some extreme cases, the state). Ironically though, a hoe is always fucking at least three niggas at a time so this cycle of chasing after dick damn near dictates her every waking moment. It's no wonder that most hoes are still living under their mama's roof, a dick chasing schedule like that does not allow for an actual real, paying job.

You'll tongue the hell out of a free spirit because you trust her. Shit, you better because most free spirits enjoy kissing & will cut a nigga with a quickness if he don't, oh & please believe that you're not getting any of her golden goodness without going downtown & hooking a sista up beforehand. A hoe will be lucky if she gets a handshake or a pat on the back upon departure.

Free spirits are wined & dined & will even grace you with the occasional movie date. You will stay up till 2am cuddling & begging a free spirit to stay over (more often than not, she will decline as she prefers her own 400 thread count egyptian cotton sheets). You can have a deep, meaningful conversation with a free spirit as she is well versed in most subjects. A hoe is lucky if she gets a phone call instead of a text message telling her to come through. She has a time slot & had better be out before her time is up lest she is trying to piss off the next nigga on her itinerary.

I hate to be harsh, I truly do. Right now, somewhere out there, there is a hoe bowing her head in shame & praying to God that one day she too will be able to call herself a free spirit. Unfortunately booboo, ain't no comin' back from that kinda life.

-elliekeepsittrill

Whatcho Escu, Que?

Thursday night, as I cradled my weathered copy of Prozac Nation, I could not help, but glance up & notice the foolywag that was happening on Making the Band 4 (5? 6? 158467?). I was forced to set aside my cup of raspberry flavored tea (sweetened with just a touch of soy milk) & put down my book as the show demanded my full attention. After gasping along with audiences for about 45 minutes of showtime (& 15 minutes of Diddy rambling on about twitter & bitchassness) I could only came to one logical conclusion.

QUE IS STRUNG THE FUCK OUT.

Now, I think that Da Band...Oops, I mean Day 26 had already attempted a discreet intervention in a previous episode, when Que's mama, the band & their manager Screwface (if you've seen the show, you understand why they call him that) all sat down together for an official band meeting. Que began spouting off about feeling like they were all against him & jealous & plotting against him. Robert (bless his soul) managed to quell the situation by insisting that there was a misunderstanding about why Que was missing studio sessions & all seemed fine - at least until the next episode.

This episode, Que caused the band to be late for studio time (& not to get off topic, but for someone who was so concerned about paying bills less than 2 episodes ago, you would think he would be more eager to get in the studio & crank out some more one-hit wonders) & happened to walk into a conversation between his manager & Brian that he assumed was about him, when in reality it was not (actually, it might have been, I am only trusting Screwface's word because at that point I became sidetracked & went to go wash & exfoliate my face) & of course, this caused him to cook up the idea that they were scheming against him & planting lies against him. Screwface (blest his hourt because I would've been sent Diddy & crew to scour the nation for a sober replacement) attempted to calm Que down, which only caused Que to become MORE belligerent & lash out at his manager (who, last I checked, was signing the checks) & decide that he wanted a new manager because Screwface was against him just like everyone else.

Somehow, (I apologize for the lack of details as Prozac Nation managed to take precedence for a few minutes & I seemed to lose the storyline) Que & Brian (& by the by, someone needs to let that po' boy know that those are NOT baby hairs he got lyin up against his scalp & he needs to just cut that nappy shit off) ended up sort of fighting, there was a lot of swinging, yelling, cursing & kicking & even a few, "Ween Danity Kane!" 's & "This is bitchass!"'s (I hope Diddy got that word trademarked because he sure would be making a killing) thrown around. The two were separated & given time to cool off & the episode of course ended with a cliffhanger, showing clips of Diddy confronting the band (& more specifically, Que) & of course, promised a few more tantrums from Que next week.

Back to my point though, that Que is on drugs (specifically cocaine). I've taken it upon myself to gather a bit of research & have found that the following symptoms, all of which Que exhibits :

Paranoia

Irritability

Restlessness

Auditory hallucinations

Mood disturbances

I would think that the auditory hallucinations means that they start hearing things, which judging by how Que loves busting into rooms & accusing folks of conspiring against him, he is experiencing as well.

If that's not enough evidence for you, please take a look at these glasses he got on & tell me if anyone in their right mind would even think about wearing those grandma's reading glasses in public -

-elliekeepsitrill

Whatcho Escu, Youtube?

So I like to peruse the likes of youtube when I need a little entertainment or a good laugh. My search terms usually are something like "me singing..." because I kinda like to think that I can maybe discover an up an coming artist and when they become famous they will remember me and break me off with a new Kia or something. At any rate, Ellie my blog partner, posted a very disturbing video to her facebook.



WHY MUST NIGGAS CONTINUE TO BE IGNANT ON THE YOUTUBE?

Initially when she insisted that I watched the whole video I said, "This would make for a good blog!" because I could do a play by play of the highlights. Now that I actually have to watch it again...I JES CAINT!

I would like to say that this was the first time I have ever seen such fuckery but it isnt. Like a year ago I came across this:



My question is why these videos are always set to a Pretty Ricky record(?)

-@k_rokadocious

Blame it on the ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-alcohol?

Last night after an eight month hiatus from the club scene, I attended my old Hollywood stomping ground, Sugar. For whatever reason they decided to have a Keri Hilson listening party without a Keri Hilson in sight but thats beside the point. The music was right (once they took Keri Hilson's slick talkin ass off), my BAC was above 0.08, it was packed, seen some familiar faces and everything was cool.

Typically when I go to the club, I usually drive so I don't really be tryna OD on the alcohol because I have other people with me and you know when you crash from driving drunk, the driver be the only muhfucka who don't die. At any rate, I've made a new friend who loves to drive and I certainly am not going to deprive them of that privalege(?). Since I didn't have to drive I started drinking at the house and mixed a potent Tangurey and Tonic, my signature drink for when I am tryna get the pourty stourted. From there, we left the house and got to the gas station where the only thing that was enticing to me was a 4 pack of individual Pinot Noir and for gas station wine, wasn't too bad. I downed 3 of those by the time we got to the club which had me feelin pretty good. About an hour into the club, I ordered another Tangurey and tonic and that pretty much did it for me. It didn't matter what song came on because I was definitely feeling myself and no one could tell me anything.

Then "Stanky Leg" came on.

I can't speak for anyone else but now that I am a college graduate, I don't know if it is appropriate for me to be tryna do the Stanky Leg (and know the lyrics to it since it is on my iPod) but i digress, I stanky legged, dougied, jerked, harlem shook, 1-2 stepped, halle berryed (berried?), bankhead bounced, stepped in the name of love and chicken noodle souped like I never have before and the correlation that I have to make to explain why my dancing was so "on-point" is the amount of alcohol I consumed that night.

I'm usually an "ok" dancer, I usually am too busy trying to look cool with sunglasses at night, blackberry in one hand and a glass of red wine in the other, subtley swaying with the music but last night...all I'm saying is that no shades were worn.

One of two things could be used to explain the phenomona that is improved dancing under the influence. The first is that I was so fucked up that "I thought" that I was really putting it down on the dance floor better than I actually was or two, the increase in my usual alcohol intake at these events allowed me to take more risks and just "not give a fuck" about looking cool which unleashed the dancing fool that I have always had within me.

I don't know what it was and I am not so sure that I care but I will offer some advice to those who are Rhythmically Challenged (not naming any nationalities): take some drinks, more or less depending on your race because we all know some white girls can be mistaken for having a seizure when they are busting a move how well you dance sober and do what Jamie Foxx says and blame it on the ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-alcohol.

-@k_rokadocious

Boss Bitch

Proof that if you have a little paper, people will entertain your foolishness. The "foolywag" material/Video "model" that is Angel Lola Luv aka The Hater Aggravator has a music video (what) to go with her single boss bitch (WHAT!!!).

Lil Kim better watch out is all I'm saying



I feel very strongly that Angel is probably one of THE most beautiful girls to walk the face of the earth but come on Lola Monroe, are you serious with this rap career? I have actually had the opportunity to listen to her talk and I must say, not much better than her rapping which brings me to my next point that I JUST thought of right now:

Should some people be seen and not heard?

I woulda wifed the bword on site if I ever ran into her but now I'm not so sure, however I would consider if her vocal chords were removed or she was reduced to speaking in simglish.

-@k_rokadocious