Open Letter to Danyel Smith

Dear Danyel Smith, Editor in Chief at Vibe Magazine,

Vibe magazine has been one of my favorite magazine for years. The covers are always eye catching and edgy and off all the urban magazines, Vibe has been the classiest. I have not started to notice a decrease in quality until recently when Rihanna was on the cover of the magazine during the whole situation with Chris Brown. This particular issue and the ones following it have had unfunny 20 questions at the end (well except the comment about Amber Rose looking like that robot thing in the issue that Eminem covered), irrelevant cover stories and fashion spreads that are nothing short of dull.

This is the final straw Danyel. The first strike was when I signed up last year for a 2 year subsciption for 11.95 and was provided one years worth of magazines. I said I want gone trip because 11.95 was better than buying it for magazine stand price every month anyway.
Strike 2 was not having a photoshoot of Rihanna for the May 09 issue that had the blue cover and her in black and white. I could have made this on photoshop using a youtube tutorial. Strike 3 is just an accumulation of all the foolishness that I have had to put up with throughout the duration of my relationship with you.

This is an ultimadum. Either put Solange on the cover since you failed to do so whenever she dropped her CD or I will be forced to treat you like an ex scientologist gets treated by practicing scientologist.

I love you and I wont take no for an answer.

-@k_rokadocious

Intro

I think it is time that we kind of explain what this blog is. My co-author and I came across this interview of world renown video vixen, Buffie the Body and Charlamagne(wendy williams sidekick) and it was the single most hilarious thing we have ever heard. Nevertheless, we were intrigued by Buffie and all that encompasses her so we created this blog to pay tribute(?) to like foolishness.

If you ever meet us in person, you will notice that we have listened to the interview so many times that we use buffieisms in everyday speech and we dont even realize it half the time. The original interview was 15 minutes long and was hosted on a website that no longer exists but by the grace of God, I was able to find this youtube clip of highlights from the interview.

Please note, that this is very chopped and screwed but it has most of the good parts from it condensed into 2:00 minutes



Enjoy!
-@k_rokadocious

Do jobs in retail prepare you for the Real World?

On April 11th I was in Los Angeles and I was at the Beverly center with my sister and while waiting in countless stores while she tried on everything (I didn't want to go in the first place but It was clear she wanted me to go since she reiterated that they didn't have groceries in the house when I told her I was staying and that we would go out to eat after) I participated in the average Americans favorite past time, people watching.

I have decided that retail stores do not set you up to move on to a job in the real world. Why have I come to this conclusion is probably something you may wonder and I will explain it for you. You see, while I'm sure all the employees are probably really nice people who may one day be worthy of humanitarian award nominations, (and by humanitarian award I really just mean a 50.00 applebees/sizzler gift card) the clothes that these companies allow their employees to work in is downright absurd at best.

Now, I'm not and I hope I never turn into one of those people who thinks just because my fashion game is decent that it gives me the right to rip apart those who are "dead wrong" when they step out the house but today . . . . (*throws hands up in air) I JES CAINT!

Exhibit a: young black girl with leather(pleather?) stretch pants that zipped in the back at the bottom of the leg and coupled with those sandals that are kinda high-topped and red toe nail polish.

Maybe its just me but leather pants are never appropriate for the workplace in my book. Granted a dress code is clearly not established or enforced at your nearest wet seal so I will not fault this girl for her choices for today, but WTF. On top of that, they were stretch pants and everyone knows, that form fitting anything = no fuckin no btwn 9 and 6 Monday thru Friday. As for toe nail polish, my mother always told me that red toe nail polish was for hoes and ima leave it at that! My friend who works in a restaurant is not even allowed to have anything more than a subtle french tip and open-toed shoes are simply out of the question.

I really don't have any other exhibits because all the other people who stepped out the house in questionable attire have slipped my mind since I waited so long to post this.

Basically the point that I am making is that when retails stores allow their employees to dress like they just strolled in from the club, it doesn't set them up for success in the future when/if they are ever given a fair shot at a good job. Unless of course you are Whitney Port from "The City" and can show up to work(?) looking like this:


-@k_rokadocious

Whatcho Escu, Que?

Thursday night, as I cradled my weathered copy of Prozac Nation, I could not help, but glance up & notice the foolywag that was happening on Making the Band 4 (5? 6? 158467?). I was forced to set aside my cup of raspberry flavored tea (sweetened with just a touch of soy milk) & put down my book as the show demanded my full attention. After gasping along with audiences for about 45 minutes of showtime (& 15 minutes of Diddy rambling on about twitter & bitchassness) I could only came to one logical conclusion.

QUE IS STRUNG THE FUCK OUT.

Now, I think that Da Band...Oops, I mean Day 26 had already attempted a discreet intervention in a previous episode, when Que's mama, the band & their manager Screwface (if you've seen the show, you understand why they call him that) all sat down together for an official band meeting. Que began spouting off about feeling like they were all against him & jealous & plotting against him. Robert (bless his soul) managed to quell the situation by insisting that there was a misunderstanding about why Que was missing studio sessions & all seemed fine - at least until the next episode.

This episode, Que caused the band to be late for studio time (& not to get off topic, but for someone who was so concerned about paying bills less than 2 episodes ago, you would think he would be more eager to get in the studio & crank out some more one-hit wonders) & happened to walk into a conversation between his manager & Brian that he assumed was about him, when in reality it was not (actually, it might have been, I am only trusting Screwface's word because at that point I became sidetracked & went to go wash & exfoliate my face) & of course, this caused him to cook up the idea that they were scheming against him & planting lies against him. Screwface (blest his hourt because I would've been sent Diddy & crew to scour the nation for a sober replacement) attempted to calm Que down, which only caused Que to become MORE belligerent & lash out at his manager (who, last I checked, was signing the checks) & decide that he wanted a new manager because Screwface was against him just like everyone else.

Somehow, (I apologize for the lack of details as Prozac Nation managed to take precedence for a few minutes & I seemed to lose the storyline) Que & Brian (& by the by, someone needs to let that po' boy know that those are NOT baby hairs he got lyin up against his scalp & he needs to just cut that nappy shit off) ended up sort of fighting, there was a lot of swinging, yelling, cursing & kicking & even a few, "Ween Danity Kane!" 's & "This is bitchass!"'s (I hope Diddy got that word trademarked because he sure would be making a killing) thrown around. The two were separated & given time to cool off & the episode of course ended with a cliffhanger, showing clips of Diddy confronting the band (& more specifically, Que) & of course, promised a few more tantrums from Que next week.

Back to my point though, that Que is on drugs (specifically cocaine). I've taken it upon myself to gather a bit of research & have found that the following symptoms, all of which Que exhibits :

Paranoia

Irritability

Restlessness

Auditory hallucinations

Mood disturbances

I would think that the auditory hallucinations means that they start hearing things, which judging by how Que loves busting into rooms & accusing folks of conspiring against him, he is experiencing as well.

If that's not enough evidence for you, please take a look at these glasses he got on & tell me if anyone in their right mind would even think about wearing those grandma's reading glasses in public -

-elliekeepsitrill

Whatcho Escu, Youtube?

So I like to peruse the likes of youtube when I need a little entertainment or a good laugh. My search terms usually are something like "me singing..." because I kinda like to think that I can maybe discover an up an coming artist and when they become famous they will remember me and break me off with a new Kia or something. At any rate, Ellie my blog partner, posted a very disturbing video to her facebook.



WHY MUST NIGGAS CONTINUE TO BE IGNANT ON THE YOUTUBE?

Initially when she insisted that I watched the whole video I said, "This would make for a good blog!" because I could do a play by play of the highlights. Now that I actually have to watch it again...I JES CAINT!

I would like to say that this was the first time I have ever seen such fuckery but it isnt. Like a year ago I came across this:



My question is why these videos are always set to a Pretty Ricky record(?)

-@k_rokadocious

Blame it on the ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-alcohol?

Last night after an eight month hiatus from the club scene, I attended my old Hollywood stomping ground, Sugar. For whatever reason they decided to have a Keri Hilson listening party without a Keri Hilson in sight but thats beside the point. The music was right (once they took Keri Hilson's slick talkin ass off), my BAC was above 0.08, it was packed, seen some familiar faces and everything was cool.

Typically when I go to the club, I usually drive so I don't really be tryna OD on the alcohol because I have other people with me and you know when you crash from driving drunk, the driver be the only muhfucka who don't die. At any rate, I've made a new friend who loves to drive and I certainly am not going to deprive them of that privalege(?). Since I didn't have to drive I started drinking at the house and mixed a potent Tangurey and Tonic, my signature drink for when I am tryna get the pourty stourted. From there, we left the house and got to the gas station where the only thing that was enticing to me was a 4 pack of individual Pinot Noir and for gas station wine, wasn't too bad. I downed 3 of those by the time we got to the club which had me feelin pretty good. About an hour into the club, I ordered another Tangurey and tonic and that pretty much did it for me. It didn't matter what song came on because I was definitely feeling myself and no one could tell me anything.

Then "Stanky Leg" came on.

I can't speak for anyone else but now that I am a college graduate, I don't know if it is appropriate for me to be tryna do the Stanky Leg (and know the lyrics to it since it is on my iPod) but i digress, I stanky legged, dougied, jerked, harlem shook, 1-2 stepped, halle berryed (berried?), bankhead bounced, stepped in the name of love and chicken noodle souped like I never have before and the correlation that I have to make to explain why my dancing was so "on-point" is the amount of alcohol I consumed that night.

I'm usually an "ok" dancer, I usually am too busy trying to look cool with sunglasses at night, blackberry in one hand and a glass of red wine in the other, subtley swaying with the music but last night...all I'm saying is that no shades were worn.

One of two things could be used to explain the phenomona that is improved dancing under the influence. The first is that I was so fucked up that "I thought" that I was really putting it down on the dance floor better than I actually was or two, the increase in my usual alcohol intake at these events allowed me to take more risks and just "not give a fuck" about looking cool which unleashed the dancing fool that I have always had within me.

I don't know what it was and I am not so sure that I care but I will offer some advice to those who are Rhythmically Challenged (not naming any nationalities): take some drinks, more or less depending on your race because we all know some white girls can be mistaken for having a seizure when they are busting a move how well you dance sober and do what Jamie Foxx says and blame it on the ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-alcohol.

-@k_rokadocious